Jennifer Wood Poetry

You say these eyes of mine are dusted with frost.
You say it is the window into my soul.
This window, which is glazed over from the cold just outside.

Unresponsive, yet aware of the intrusion.
You say you wish to come inside.
To eagerly find what awaits you.
The words escape your lips without warning;
“Let me in!”
They bellow out into the wind.

The door is locked.
Perhaps it always will be.
Perhaps it was all along.

These mysteries which are lurking inside,
They cannot be seen from the outside sanctuaries of the wild.

This door, which has only opened once before.
One beat of my heart sends me rushing to this haze.
I cannot stop the memories from flooding in at once.
I find that my fingers are suddenly rushing to unhook the latch with an unknown ferocity.
Let whatever may be waiting inside.

Once the gust of the frigid breeze welcomes my face I remember that same familiar feeling.
The Déjà vu, if you will, of my memoirs.

I welcome it for the first time.
This unforeseen phenomenon that has coursed its way, so dangerously into my tundra.
Shall I take precaution?
Before my thoughts reach a choice, my questions are answered for me.

Footprints in the snow which trail off my front perch and into the wild that lies ahead.
I don’t bother to step in these prints, you see. I prefer to make my own.

These invisible steps lead me to an artic cave.
Enclosing over the snow banks above,
Without a shudder of hesitation, I step unknowingly into this world.
I duck down low and make my move for the inside.

It is an enigma which continues to puzzle how to elaborate on in real words.
As if the inside walls were coated in diamonds, minerals and jewels.
The warm familiarity returns and grips its fingers onto my shoulder.
I turn around in an eerie sense of anticipation and a bit of fright.

The stranger,
The one who has opened the door before.
I feel the tears brim in the dwellings of my tear ducts.
I want to reach out and wrap my arms around him.
I want to never let go, because what once was lost has now been found.

I close my eyes so tightly that it begins to twinge with pain.
I cannot believe this.
My heart is beating so hard I fear it may just burst out my chest and escape for paradise unknown.

I embrace the sweet smell of your skin.
The aura that tells me I am finally home.

I open my eyes and find there is nothing here.
Nothing but myself.
Nothing but the ice embroidered walls.
Nothing but my memories.
Nothing but the cold.
Nothing but my tears rolling delicately down my cheeks.

I smile and wipe my eyes with a cold finger,
For the real pain would be never to have felt that intensity at all.
I welcome it.
Because for the first time, I am relieved to be so reminded of the past.
For it is that which is forever.

You ask me why you cannot come inside.
You cannot grasp a reason, why I will not open for you.
You resent the fact that another has before.

You ask me why you cannot come inside.
It is because I do not want you to.
It is because I am not ready.
It is because my heart does not belong to you.
And it never truly will.

Poet: Jennifer Wood